me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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