you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
