It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
