You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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