Do vagina's smell?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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