I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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