I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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