I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
