I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
