What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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