we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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