oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
