Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
