Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
