Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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