Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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