That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
