I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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