You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
