i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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