Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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