My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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