Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
