when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
