Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
