Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
