worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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