I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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