If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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