He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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