I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
