I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
