So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
