420 ftw
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
