i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
