I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
