Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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