He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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