I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
