Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
