Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
