I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
