dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
