I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
