There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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