Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
