i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
