Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
