um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
