omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
