Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
