Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this will be a night to untag.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
